Don’t Let Fear Be Your Motivator
Fear can be an effective motivator. Scene: 2014, Friday happy hour at the local bar, an inspired conversation with a newish coworker who just loves to run which makes me feel both jealous (“I wish I loved to run”), curious (“can I run?”), and powerful (“IM SURE I CAN RUN”). After pulling on my Captain America figurative cape, I find myself punching my credit card digits into an online portal for some future half-marathon benefiting wounded veterans or shelter dogs (or wounded veterans who need access to shelter pets). We exchange a sloppy hug (friends!) and I spend the next two hours telling anyone who will listen that I am running a half-marathon in 12-weeks for charity because I’m super into running these days and very physically active.
It takes two days for me to realize I’ve made an aggressive mistake. My athletic shoes are leftover from my college P.E. course (“General Fitness”), and while my sports bra collection is quite impressive, none of them have seen intentional sweat in years. But I manage a fifteen-minute jog/walk on Sunday because honestly, I don’t know but damnit if I’m going to let a pinky toe blister end my strange new-found resolve.
Long story short, I ran that race. It was long, painful, and I will never again voluntarily run more than three consecutive miles, but I did it — not because I needed to prove I could, not because I wanted to impress Jessica or Jennifer or whatever, and definitely not because I wanted to turn my life around in some Forrest Gump meets Eat, Pray, Love montage. I did not because I had signed up and I was afraid of quitting. Afraid my coworkers would judge me, afraid I would use this as an excuse to never again join Friday night happy hours, afraid Jessifer would figure out I’m a total loser/faker and tell my boss, afraid I’d show up at the starting line and get a cramp at the first water station, whisked to the hospital by an ambulance my insurance did not cover, awaken from a dehydrated coma to find my mother leaning over me with a rosary and a lukewarm thermos of coffee like some modern smelling salt alternative.
In the right context, fear can motivate you to do extraordinary things. Run a half marathon. Apply to college. Escape the burning building. Give birth (the only way through is out!)
But fear is also a negative motivator (we are uncomfortable and want it to end) and can lead to a multitude of unintended consequences sure as paralysis, stress, low morale, obsession, and it almost always ends in short-term gains but long-term losses. For instance, fear of being fired may motivate the employees to knock it out of the park for a particular quarter, but also likely result in subpar results next round as team members seek employment elsewhere or hide in the break room every time you start circling their cubes.
Fear as a motivator is not limited to our workplace; it seems to be engrained in our community and culture. Think of parents screaming at their children on the soccer field. Politicians who say the other guy threatens your business, your family, and your way of life. The media reminding you every single day is a minefield of problems and psychosis. Horror films. Expiration dates on food. At age thirty, I still fear being kidnapped a la The Face on the Milk Carton. The New York Times morning briefing filled me with such malaise I ended my subscription. My anxiety about having anxiety ended in a telehealth call with a new therapist and a new prescription.
We are living in fearful, anxious times. But we quickly forget — this is nothing new. First, I want to openly recognize that I am privileged and not everyone in the world, or America, has the same relatively-easy life. If you lack basic resources and live in real fear and want, I’m sorry, and I acknowledge this is not your list. But for most of us in middle-class U.S.A., we are more-or-less unscathed in the great annals of history. No one in my immediate family is in mortal danger. I do not personally know anyone in active combat. I am not living in Pearl Harbor, 1941. My fridge is stocked, my electricity reliable, and I survived another dentist's appointment.
What is new is our level of access. Our intense awareness of alternatives is new. Our paralysis around making the wrong decision is new, but only because our world view is expanded to include other options. Never before have we watched televised speeches turn into a Twitter debate with live commentary on CNN within .4 seconds of airing. The advent of Instagram and social media platforms means all 1,590 of our closest friends can share their very well-researched opinions and flaunt their holier-than-thou attitudes. The shaming and judging have always been around, but it has never been so readily digestible.
Being unemployed during a time of great unrest is probably the single greatest indicator you will have biblical acid-reflux for the foreseeable future. Don’t let fear be your motivator. Yes, there is a balance to strike between reason, opportunity, compromise, and degradation. The reality is you have bills to pay. But don’t let fear be your motivator. You’ll grow desperate and resentful, you’ll end up a dark and very temporary space. Compromise on the detail, but not on your true value.
Don’t sell all your stock and buy bricks of silver as seen on Fox News.
Don’t lapse into total brain fog from the sunken middle of your couch, seven seasons deep into The Office, waiting for someone to call you and remind you it’s not illegal to text a friend or go for a walk.
Do not buy all the toilet paper in stock because what if.
Do not let your negative emotion breed negative emotion.
Yes, fear can spur emotion and action in times of intense change or need. But fear also leads to more mistakes (like in surgery), anxiety, depression, and burnout.
I predict we will emerge from this with a whole slew of new physical and mental ailments (my posture has twisted me into some couch-bound Quasimodo and I haven’t had a decent sleep in months). Take one off your list right now — any decision you have made or will make because the little voice in your heads says something like:
- You aren’t good enough, so just do this instead
- You’ll never get another job/publish your book/get the gig, so just do this instead
- Your mom is disappointed in you, so just do this instead
- You’ll never be better than this, so just do this instead
Do you have to occasionally just do this instead? Yes. Reality, while often suspended, is still the dimension in which we operate. But take a moment, take a breath, and ask yourself what is your driving motivation, and if it’s 1. Fear 2. Fear 3. Fear, you should reconsider or reframe.
If you are a boss with fearful employees, consider these instead. If you are working through your own fear, Hope.
